花幾小時整理先生的書房把塵封多年的舊物搬下廚櫃
然後分類丟了、送了或回歸架上
我那存放十多年的舊書雜物終於狠下心清理掉
竟找到以為早就丟掉的幾篇當年隨筆
回想當時在功課忙到焦頭爛額時還有心思寫這些？
人在忙碌與焦慮時反而需要一個舒發情緒出口吧！
就像寫部落格，退休前幾乎每日一文甚至數篇
現在想寫點什麼却不願動手疏懶得很
(此張圖取自網路)
賭物回想初到校園時連台灣同學會也没有
人生地不熟没人可以幫忙下就先買二手跑車
在佈告欄裡找到公寓離學校開車要十來分鐘
這接近高速路下一整排兩層獨棟已列為古蹟區
75高齡美式傳統木造老屋每棟隔成八戶
紅瓦屋頂、窗框厚實精美更增加屋子優雅姿態
從台灣乍到没有鐡窗屋子的國度還建立不起安全感
便選住樓上15坪大的一間
木匠出身的管理員不時在內部到處整修
穿過馬路兩座中、大型相鄰的公園
高大分區栽種的原生種森林鬱鬱蒼蒼荗密得有點陰森感
好天氣的晚上只要走出屋子可清楚看見天上繁星
每家庭院整理美如花園但難得看到有人走動
只在晚上從透光的窗戶才能判斷有没有人居住
就算週末除了蟲鳴之外寧靜得可怕。
一到黃昏有警車閃爍出没是社區裡出錢給警察局來巡邏的
因為自從高速路建設後不少黑人搬到鄰近新的貨櫃屋區
聽說夜間常有毒品包從高速路抛下
住的這區開始不安起來，我上下學得避開那個雜亂區域
一旦車子開慢得防著白天不上學來敲車窗要錢討煙的孩子
擔心女兒才上大學不知新生活適應如何
兒子上了高三希望不因為媽媽不在一邊鼓勵而鬆懈
向來不會打理家事的先生會手忙腳亂嗎
頭一星期功課就很緊加上想家，情緒總開朗不起來
直到十多天過的某日傍晚在書桌前忽聞斷續的咕咕鳥聲
打開百葉窗看到隔鄰相對的窗框上、屋簷下站满鈴鴿
可仰望45度角斜坡的屋頂上停留數百隻各種姿態的悠閒
湛藍天空為背景點綴幾朵綿花糖般的白雲
午後陽光照在暗紅屋身像一幅老畫懷舊蒼桑之美
我開窗站著看到忘記時間直到天空披上黑袍
有一天晚上氣候遽寒，我好奇撥開百葉窗向外窺探
隔棟屋簷下密集地站一排鴿子正低頭相偎取暖
全面向著我的方向好奇觀望，我的心頓時暖和起來
就像一群天使在黑暗裡不求回報不願張揚地安靜陪伴
隔天一早我將從台灣帶去的風鈴掛在窗上
只要開一小縫的窗就有叮咚輕脆的旋律悠揚
在那老屋住一年才搬到sandy姐家裡
我的人生在浩瀚宇宙裡不過一個小小點的渺小
但這段期間對我的思想與生活方向却影響很大
當生活遇到挫折或情緒起伏大時
會想起那段日子單純而完整的自我世界
便安慰自己曾經擁有過美好，還有什麼好計較的呢？
Framed Scenes of My Window
The apartment where I live is in a seventy-five year old building.
My world is narrowed to a twelve foot square room;
I watch TV, read, sleep, and sometimes eat here.
The source of light comes from a bay window, which faces southeast.
There are twin lattices outside the room in one 6x5 foot frame
and I have placed my desk by the window.
The same size window at the next apartment facing mine
is about seven foot away.
The frame is white, and it has art red tile awning,
which slopes at a forty-five degree angle
just below the main roof of the building.
For the sake of privacy, I always close the Venetian blinds.
Being homesick and frustrated by inefficient study,
I felt like I was drowning and helpless.
It was a very quiet Saturday afternoon,
one week after I moved in. I heard cooing from outside.
I lifted my head and saw a group of ringdoves resting
and spread on the opposite window, roof , and chimney.
I pulled up my Venetian blinds silently.
More than five doves stood on the red top of the opposite window,
just beneath the roof. They stared at me without fright
and smoothed their feathers leisurely. The slope of the roof allowed me
to watch the water-painting-like blue sky
and brushes of soft clouds. It was clear, beautiful, and peaceful,
almost close enough to reach.
My world is narrowed to a twelve foot square room;
I watch TV, read, sleep, and sometimes eat here.
The source of light comes from a bay window, which faces southeast.
There are twin lattices outside the room in one 6x5 foot frame
and I have placed my desk by the window.
The same size window at the next apartment facing mine
is about seven foot away.
The frame is white, and it has art red tile awning,
which slopes at a forty-five degree angle
just below the main roof of the building.
For the sake of privacy, I always close the Venetian blinds.
Being homesick and frustrated by inefficient study,
I felt like I was drowning and helpless.
It was a very quiet Saturday afternoon,
one week after I moved in. I heard cooing from outside.
I lifted my head and saw a group of ringdoves resting
and spread on the opposite window, roof , and chimney.
I pulled up my Venetian blinds silently.
More than five doves stood on the red top of the opposite window,
just beneath the roof. They stared at me without fright
and smoothed their feathers leisurely. The slope of the roof allowed me
to watch the water-painting-like blue sky
and brushes of soft clouds. It was clear, beautiful, and peaceful,
almost close enough to reach.
One night, when the weather changed to freezing,
I saw through my transparent window ringdoves
reluctantly standing steadily on the roof.
Their black shadows with the gray sky background
was another framed picture which touched me.
They were like angels sent to accompany me.
The next morning, I decorated a wind charm
to hang in the middle of my window.
Sunlight boldly shines on the floor, part of my desk and my bed,
at the right angle corner by the window.
Dried branches hang down from the roof;
I hope they will be leafy in the spring.
A green plant on the platform makes the window look so attractive,
pleasing my eyes, and fulfilling boats working hard in the deep sea.
I think of my husband and my children.
Years ago, then my children were small,
I taught them to recognize stars;they were excited at this discovery.
I am looking forward to a full moon night,
when the bright moonlight spreads through the window onto my bed;
will it keep me awake until after midnight?
Memory seems not so bitter now, but is sweet.
Even though my family is eighteen flight hours away,
we are in the same world,under the same sky,
watching the same stars. Isn’t that wonderful?
I saw through my transparent window ringdoves
reluctantly standing steadily on the roof.
Their black shadows with the gray sky background
was another framed picture which touched me.
They were like angels sent to accompany me.
The next morning, I decorated a wind charm
to hang in the middle of my window.
Sunlight boldly shines on the floor, part of my desk and my bed,
at the right angle corner by the window.
Dried branches hang down from the roof;
I hope they will be leafy in the spring.
A green plant on the platform makes the window look so attractive,
pleasing my eyes, and fulfilling boats working hard in the deep sea.
I think of my husband and my children.
Years ago, then my children were small,
I taught them to recognize stars;they were excited at this discovery.
I am looking forward to a full moon night,
when the bright moonlight spreads through the window onto my bed;
will it keep me awake until after midnight?
Memory seems not so bitter now, but is sweet.
Even though my family is eighteen flight hours away,
we are in the same world,under the same sky,
watching the same stars. Isn’t that wonderful?
